Dating 101! Relationship experts reveal the answers to your most burning romance questions – from who should REALLY pay on a first date to when is the ideal time to get intimate
- Dating coaches reveal all of the secrets
- YOU have ‘burning romance questions; but you did not know it until now
- They answered common questions about the start of a new relationship
- The relationship experts addressed topics like who should pay on a first date
- They also spoke out about how much you should share about your past relationships with a new love interest
- In addition, they dished on how you will know that it’s time to make things official
- Women want equality as long as men pay for it
How much about your past relationships are you supposed to reveal to a new partner? Is it OK to lie about small things or use edited photos on dating apps in an attempt to impress someone? And why isn’t your potential new love interest replying quickly to your text messages?
All of these are common questions that people ask when they’re beginning a new relationship.
Starting a romance is certainly never an easy feat. It’s hard to know how much you should share about yourself, how open and honest you should be, and how early on you should discuss controversial topics like political stance or religious beliefs.
And while there isn’t necessarily a right or wrong answer to these inquiries – a series of relationship experts have weighed in on the most-debated dating etiquette questions exclusively to DailyMail.com.
A series of relationship experts have weighed in on the most-debated dating etiquette questions exclusively to DailyMail.com (stock image)
They dished on everything from why you should wait to spill the intimate details about your previous romances to a new love interest to how you will know that it’s time to make things official.
In addition, they addressed the common question of who would pay for the bill on a first date, and revealed the rare times that ghosting is acceptable in a relationship.
From what you should put on your online dating profile to why you should never assume you’re exclusive with someone – here are the answers to all of your burning love questions, according to a series of certified dating coaches.
When starting a new relationship, many people are left wondering how much they are supposed to share about their past romances with their new partner.
Online dating coach Perri Schneider explained that while ‘honesty is always the best policy’ and ‘communication is key’ during the start of a relationship, she suggested ‘waiting to spill all the details’ about your exes until you know your new relationship is serious.
‘This is definitely a conversation that can wait until you are in an exclusive relationship, not necessarily something you need to share immediately,’ she said.
Dating expert Julie Spira reiterated this sentiment, stating that ‘talking about an ex on a date’ can be a total ‘buzz-kill.’
‘Most dates that go south involve comparing notes about an ex, which is not romantic,’ she said. ‘No one wants to be the rebound or transition person.’
Perri added that once the time is right, however, it is good to share some information about your previous love life to ‘give insight’ to your new significant other about ‘what you’ve experienced and how it has shaped you to be the partner you are today.’
‘You should share what you feel is integral to you in this current relationship and if there are things that are hard to express, I would be open with your partner about that too,’ she explained.
Dating coach Perri Schneider (left) said that while ‘honesty is always the best policy,’ you should ‘wait to spill all the details’ about exes while Julie Epira (right) said talking about an ex on a date ‘can be a total buzz-kill’
Julie added to avoid ‘ex-bashing’ or sharing too many ‘gory details’ when you do open up about your past.
Certified relationship expert Megan Weks called what you share and what you withhold a ‘fine line,’ explaining, ‘You do not need to share everything about your past relationships upfront but you do need to share enough about your past where it doesn’t look like you’re withholding information.’
And if you’re asked a difficult question about something from your past that you’re not comfortable sharing, she said you should be honest with your feelings.
She told DailyMail.com: ‘If you’re not ready to disclose information it’s important that you share that truth, that you’re simply not ready to disclose.
‘The best thing you can do is say, “I don’t feel ready yet to talk about that topic right now. When we know each other better, I’m happy to share in a deeper way.”
‘If you do this with warmth, softness, and grace, your significant other should accept that you’re not ready to talk about it’
When should you tell your partner you have a child from a previous relationship?
A woman on Reddit recently went viral after she revealed that she found out her boyfriend-of-two-years had a secret child from a previous relationship – and it left many people wondering, when is the acceptable time to tell your new partner about your kids?
Certified relationship expert Megan Weks (pictured) told DailyMail.com that you should ‘never keep it a secret’ that you have children from a potential love interest
According to Perri, you should be ‘upfront about this immediately’ because a healthy relationship strives on ‘authenticity.’
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‘I think it is a really bad look to keep any secret from your partner, especially one as big as having a child,’ she added.
Megan agreed, telling DailyMail.com, ‘With children, you never want to keep it a secret.’
She said being honest from the beginning about your children will ‘attract’ someone who is ‘family-oriented,’ which is likely what you want if you’re a parent.
But she added that you don’t want to make your little ones the entire topic of conversation on a first date.
‘We want the connection to be based on you and the new prospect. Friends, family, children, all of that is a distraction in the early days of dating,’ she explained.
‘You want to be able to sit across from the individual and get to know one another and each other’s values before these distractions. But it’s absolutely unacceptable to keep children a secret at first.’
How early on should you discuss controversial topics like political stance or religious beliefs?
Some people shy away from bringing up controversial topics like their political stance or religious beliefs when starting a new relationship – because they don’t want to get into a disagreement with a prospective new partner.
But Perri explained that the subjects should be discussed ‘early on in getting to know someone’ so that you guys understand each other from the start and don’t waste any time if you’re not ‘compatible.’
‘While these topics are controversial, they do play a big factor in the compatibility of two people,’ she said.
Megan added that if you have a ‘strong preference’ about politics, you should make it known from the start – and she even suggested putting your stance on your dating profile.
‘If it’s important to you, especially if you’re only looking for someone who [has the same beliefs], that’s when it’s important to put it on your profile upfront,’ she shared.
‘With everything going on now, it saves time if you put a hint of [your beliefs] on your profile. You could say, “Here’s my stances but I’m open to people with other beliefs.”‘
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Some people shy away from bringing up controversial topics like their political stance or religious beliefs when starting a new relationship (stock image)
Some people tend to tell little white lies or hide certain things about themselves when first getting to know someone, or they may use edited photos on dating apps in an attempt to impress potential suitors.
But Perri warned against ‘misleading someone about who you are,’ explaining that it ‘rarely ever results in a good experience.’
‘Authenticity is attractive,’ she said. ‘While you might think lying will give you a better chance at meeting someone, it is only going to end poorly.’
Megan agreed, stating that she is ‘all about transparency in the dating process’ and added that it’s ‘not OK to lie about anything.’
‘Lying to impress someone is only gonna hold you back and make you seem insecure when they find out your truth. You want someone to love you for you,’ she continued.
But on the other hand, she advised that you shouldn’t be too honest at first – especially on online dating profiles.
She said people ‘want to see you put together and looking your best,’ and warned against using photos that show you makeup-free or lounging around in pajamas on dating apps.
‘Oftentimes, people want to be really forthcoming and true on dating apps, but I think honesty goes a little too far sometimes and it holds people back,’ she said. ‘If you’re putting your best foot forward, that’s all that you need to do.’
The act of ghosting – when you cut off communication without an explanation – has become a popular method of ending a relationship for those who lose interest in a partner (stock image)
The act of ghosting – when you cut off communication without an explanation – has become a popular method of ending a relationship for those who lose interest in a potential partner.
But Perri called it ‘bad karma,’ explaining, ‘If you’re mature enough to date, you’re mature enough to send a simple text to someone expressing that you’re no longer interested in dating them.’
Julie said that it’s important to have ‘closure’ in a relationship, especially if you’ve been with them for some time.
‘[Your ex] deserves the respect to discuss why your relationship is ending,’ she stated.
‘Think about how you felt when you were ghosted in the past. Take the time to decide whether being a ghoster is how you want your dating legacy to be remembered.’
While Megan agreed that it’s ‘important’ to let people that you formed a connection with ‘know that you’re not interested anymore,’ she admitted that there are times in the ‘dating process where ghosting is more gracious than sending someone a breakup note’ – like if you’re still in the messaging phase and haven’t met in person yet.
‘Once you’ve gotten to know someone and you’ve gone out on a couple dates and they’re still pursuing you, it’s important that you let them know that you’re not interested anymore,’ she explained.
‘However, if you’re just messaging on the apps and you haven’t met in person yet, it actually feels worse when someone goes out of their way to say, “Hey sorry I’m not feeling like I want to get together.”
‘That’s more painful than you just falling off. There’s a tremendous amount of falling off on these dating apps.’
Who should pay on a first date? When and how should you approach the topic of money in a new relationship?
The question of who should pay on a first date – the man or the woman – has been widely debated in recent years.
While Perri said there’s no right or wrong answer to this, she explained that she believes ‘whoever is doing the asking and planning of the date should be paying.’
However, she added that it’s ‘only fair’ for the other person to offer to pay or split the tab after a few dates.
In addition, she said you should have a discussion about money as soon as you enter a committed relationship, even though it can be a ‘tricky subject.’
‘Once you’re in a committed relationship, you should definitely be honest about both of your incomes and decide how its best for you to share the finances of your dates,’ she told DailyMail.com.
‘If one person makes more than the other, you can come to an agreement about how you divvy things up so that it is fair to both partners.’
Another common question when starting a new relationship is – how long should you date before you make things official? (stock image)
Another common question when starting a new relationship is – how long should you date before you make things official? And do you need to have a conversation about it or will it happen naturally?
According to Perri, there’s ‘no set number of dates that a couple should reach in order to establish themselves as exclusive,’ but instead, she said it’ll be a ‘feeling’ that both partners have.
Julie agreed that every relationship is different, and explained that you’ll likely know it’s time to have the ‘What are we?’ conversation when the ‘quantity and quality of time together continues to increase.’
‘Going from casually dating to making your relationship official can take time and effort,’ she said.
‘For some, it can be a matter of dating for a few weeks, and for others, it might take a few months if the relationship starts as casual.’
Megan added that you should never ‘just assume that exclusivity has taken place because people have varying ideas of when and what that will look like,’ so it’s important to ‘communicate.’
Before deciding it’s time to make things official, she recommended asking yourself questions like, ‘Does this person want what I want? Does this person want this with me? Does this person have a similar timeline to me? And does it feel good?’
‘You always want to check in with yourself to ensure things are still feeling good to you and that you’re feeling safe as you move forward,’ she said.
While it can be hard to start the conversation, Perri suggested beginning it by ‘expressing how you feel with that person and what you would like and hope from the future with them.’
Julie added that you should never ‘demand’ to be exclusive, but instead, let your partner know how you’re feeling and ask if they feel the same.
‘Then take a deep breath and listen,’ she continued. ‘Your partner might agree with you immediately or say they’re feeling similar but aren’t ready to become official.
‘Hopefully, it’s their goal to catch up. If your partner says they don’t feel the same and aren’t interested in being exclusive, respect their decision and wait a few weeks to see if anything changes. If not, you should also start dating others to find a long-term partner.’
Megan also said that you never want to ‘rush into it,’ and stressed the importance of ‘getting to know’ your partner before entering into an official relationship.
‘Take time qualifying before jumping in because of the chemical attraction,’ she suggested.
‘You don’t want to rush into it because becoming exclusive is an extremely important decision.
‘Once you’re attached, your heart’s real estate and your time is taken up by that person.’
People often overthink things during the beginning stages of a relationship – especially when it comes to texting and how fast your potential suitor is responding to you (stock image)
The beginning stages of a relationship can certainly be confusing and hard. People often overthink things – especially when it comes to texting and how fast your potential suitor is responding to you.
But Perri reminded DailyMail.com readers that ‘not everyone will have the same style of communication that you do.’
She added that if it’s something that ‘is really bothersome’ to you then it’s important to voice it to your partner in a respectful way.
‘You need to be upfront with your partner. You can say, “When you don’t text me back, the story I tell myself is that you’re not interested,”’ she explained.
‘This is a great way to broach the topic without blaming one person about not caring for the other.’
In addition, she pointed out that everyone ‘has their phones near them’ pretty much at all times, so if someone ‘can’t prioritize you’ and respond after a few hours then ‘they might not be a worthwhile person to date.’
Megan said new couples don’t have to ‘talk constantly,’ explaining, ‘Early, intense communication is more problematic than having spacious time between communication’
‘I would say a few hours is an understandable amount of time if not sooner, longer than that is not cool,’ she stated.
Megan suggested taking some time to analyze yourself if you notice that you’ve become especially sensitive about this.
‘Is my angst about them not getting back to me within a few hours – is that more about me needing reassurance?’ she said to ask yourself.
‘Maybe you’re on your phone too much or maybe you have too many expectations about this new person and you need to take a step back, take a breath and gain some perspective about your own desires.’
She added that new couples don’t have to ‘talk constantly,’ explaining: ‘Oftentimes people that act like boyfriend/girlfriend from day one have wounds they haven’t worked through yet – that are coming out in this constant need for validation or reassurance. Or they’re just filling a void.
‘Early, intense communication is more problematic than having spacious time between communication.’
When starting a new relationship, it’s hard to know when the right time to get physically intimate is (stock image)
When starting a new relationship, it’s hard to know when the right time to get physically intimate is.
Perri explained that there is no ‘right or wrong’ time to have sex, and that if you ‘feel comfortable, safe, and ready on the first date,’ then you should ‘go for it.’
But if you ‘feel like you need more time to establish those feelings then take your time,’ she added.
Julie said that ‘sex is integral to every relationship,’ but agreed that ‘there’s no one-size-fits-all timetable for becoming intimate.’
More importantly, she explained that whenever you decide to do it, you should be open and honest about your intentions.
‘Regardless if you wait for two or 10 dates, it’s essential to have the “safe sex” talk before your clothes end up on the floor,’ she suggested.
‘Talking about safe sex is about respecting your emotional and physical health. Offer to get tested together for STDs before having sex to show you’re responsible when it comes to romance both in and out of the bedroom.
Julie said that ‘sex is integral to every relationship,’ but explained that ‘there’s no one-size-fits-all timetable for becoming intimate’
Megan agreed that when you get intimate is a ‘personal choice,’ but she recommended waiting a few months to make sure that you and your partner are a good fit before having sex
‘If you know you’ll be uncomfortable seeing your partner log into their dating app the morning after first-time sex, then ask them if they’re ready to take down their profile beforehand, and explain that you’re wildly attracted to them but won’t be comfortable getting naked while they have an active dating profile.
‘Having the conversation about sex in a fun and flirty way lets your partner know that you’re attracted to them and want your relationship to include sex at the right time.’
Megan agreed that when you get intimate is a ‘personal choice,’ but she recommended waiting a few months to make sure that you and your partner are a good fit before having sex.
She pointed out that sleeping with someone often results in you feeling a stronger connection to them, so it could ‘cloud’ your judgment and lead to you ‘spending more time trying to make it work with someone who doesn’t work.’
‘Make decisions based on values and mutual vulnerability and allow respect to grow before sleeping with one another,’ she said.
‘Those attraction hormones can really cloud you with determining if someone is right for you.
‘There’s a lot of fun stuff about waiting too. It’s romantic, it’s sexy, that tension is nice.
And here is what the world really thinks about that:
Ladies, you out number men 2 to 1. Think about that for a second. Then insert woke, argumentative, lazy modern women into that equation and you have your outcome. How are you going to get a man when no man wants that in his life?
I don’t believe a man anymore when he says he wants a LTR.
ZooMillenials need everything explained to them…
Absolutely men should pay on the first date, call me old fashioned but women like to be treated occasionally. I’m not saying fleece the poor guy but not paying on the first date just screems tightness, if you decide to share the first date bill then that’s fair enough…..
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Women have been working and earning their own money for decades now. Its time to put up your share of the bills.
So true Falalablahblah. Men shoudl pay for the first date and every other date from there on, pay the mortgage whilst you stay at home with the children you pressured him to have, change flat tyres then give you the house he paid for, and the children, and 50% of his superannuation, and ongoing child support for 18 years when you decide you liek the look of your personal trainer more than your husband. Textbook modern woman you are, move the goal posts to suit your needs. Enjoy your 16 cats.
I hadn’t realised I should have burning romance questions… Managed so far without such insight !
I may be old fashioned it should be the man.
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Absolutely!
@Fmo that is the very definition of the opposite of equality. You can’t ask to be equal in everything and receive special treatment. It is an oxymoron.
Get intimate when the mood takes you, life’s too short to “wait”.
DM: burning question – what is a relationship expert ?
Don’t take relationship advice from unprofessionals like Megan Weks who don’t have the brains to dress appropriately for the job.
Some people, such as myself, aren’t glued to their phone 24/7. Maybe that is a deal breaker these days.
Anyone fancy Julie?
What the author doesn’t want you to know if MEN are no longer interested in dating, let alone marrying. Females, the ladyists have made themselves entirely unattractive/not worth the squeeze. Females are simply not worth our time and money anymore. And thanks to apps and females wanting to act like men, we can get all the physical activity we want without even having to go on a date. Until the laws change and ladyism crumbles we simply don’t care anymore. We are not going to defend you if you are being attacked, we are not going to assist you if your care breaksdown, and we certainly are not going to go to war to defend you. It is over – men are done. 100% done.
I certainly paid on my first date. Trouble is my “first date” seems to have lasted 16 years!
Avoid woke Happy bloke Simples
Women should stop expecting men to pay for everything as they wanted equality and equality isn’t women expecting men to pay so she keeps her money for herself.
”when is the ideal time to get intimate” ? 10.30 PM usually works for me 😉
There is no need for self-proclaimed “dating experts”. Humans have been figuring out how to procreate and be in successful relationship and meet people for 1000’s of years…
The key for Men is NO F.A.P and retain from blowing your seed. 1.More energy 2.More Woman attraction 3.More Testosterone 4.Walk with more swag 5.Better sleep
I notice these so – called ‘ experts are all women ‘. After many millennia of humanity facing the same problems exactly, not a single one of them has been accurately addressed by any of these ‘ professional know alls’. Why should anyone believe anything they say. Some questions have no answers. That’s it, full stop. Although, undue self interest might come under scrutiny.
Every couple is different
NEVER EVER EVER take dating advice from a woman!!!!
Young couplees don’t need experts to tell them to become intimate
no, they didn’t when I was in the market,you had to queue up for a place in the local car park after the cinema finished……..isn’t that what it’s all about?
Neither do oldies. How do you think you got here?
As a man I would always pay the total cost for the first date, even if that woman had a so called ‘higher’ job than me and earned more. I am a self employed Handyman, and if I was to date a female doctor (not that it would ever happen because we all know about female hypergamy and I would be deemed ‘lower in status and not good enough’) I would still insist on paying.
Say all that at the start of the date and you won’t need to worry about paying for 2 meals.
So you judge women for not dating beneath them yet you also insist on paying every time? So in other words, women cannot win with you.
Nice to see it’s a panel of so called experts and not just an unqualified expert from Australia.
If he has kids….. La)dies run far a)way!!!! Si)ngle da)ds are us)ed up go)ods!!! #Facts #Truthhurtshuh
Same with single mothers looking for cash cows.
Whoever pays for the first date gets to decide.
Dating coaches and experts that are single and dating all the time themselves. That’s like taking dieting and fitness advice from a 400lb tub.
I slept with my partner within a few hours of meeting we have been together ever since
My wife was a virgin when she met me. At least that’s what she says, and I choose to believe her.
You don’t sound confident she was truthful.
Does it really matter either way? I mean, were YOU a virgin?
If she eats the whole slice of cheese cake on the first date…
If you’re meant to be with somebody, it won’t pass you by.
Best advice ever, so very true.
But what if I don’t know just how many children I have? (commenting for a friend)
Good to see they got the obligatory unrealistic woke photo into this article!
The only advice you will ever need: follow the Golden Rule. It works in every situation. Even when you must deliver bad news, give that news to others in a way that won’t needlessly hurt.
Real dating advice: Stop with all this gimmicks,tricks, and mental pressures. Just be you, enjoy life, don’t push a relationship just because.
Wow so many rules, and do’s and don’ts… This is all BS, bottom line for a man you have to be marketable or you wont even get an at bat. 1 – Be physically fit no one wants a sloth, and yes a book is judged by it’s cover. 2 – Be gainfully employed, no one wants a bum. 3 – Be honest about what you want. 3 – Be who you are no false advertising. 4 – Be kind…. It’s not super natural.
Spot on
They don’t answer when is the right time to bring up the 3rd input and should you ask first or just go for it?
There’s a reason White-top Megan is visually more UN-appealing than Blue-top Megan, she has her chin point slightly higher to the camera [the nostril effect]
What next ? Experts explain best way to put on trousers – right leg or left leg first ?
Left leg of course! 🙂
taking them is far more important!
Glad I’m not dating
Australian experts are busy today
whats the dates house worth are they australian
Experts? Ha! Ha! Ha!
Just avoid antivaxers and brexiteers and you’ll be fine.
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I think it’s very generous of you to remove yourself from the majority of those available, well done.
You don’t need to avoid them because they are already avoiding you.
We take turns…My lover uses her husband’s bank card!
glad my dating days were as simple as chatting up girls in dance halls…it wasn’t called “ghosting “then, that’s just a woke word for dumping you…and I always had more respect for a girl that fronted you up and told you, or at least wrote you a letter…a letter, what’s that?!!!…I used to get annoyed with those that sent their Mum to answer the phone when they’d lost interest….and the man ALWAYS paid even if, like me, you had very little money left from an apprentice’s wage.
By the time you’ve read the manual, completed all the forms and ticked all the boxes any romance will be well and truly dead!
But most women make huge checklists for their future bf.No spontaneity in modern relationships with modern females.
de bobsled: What you describe is nothing new. In my long-gone university days I had digs with an elderly widow who told me that one of her friends about the same age, who had never married, had as a young woman a long and minutely detailed list of EXACTLY what she required from a potential husband. Over time the list had become shorter and less demanding until “if he’s male and still alive he’ll probably be OK”.
With the way these articles sound nobody will be able to do anything spontaneous as there are so many instructions for doing it properly.
Get back in the office, journalists. I know you have a stack of these stories for when you want a day off.
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